It's Almost The End Of The Year And Not Everything Is Perfect.

Will I Ever Feel Safe?

Does Someone Out There Love Me?

Will I Ever Stop Hurting Myself?

Questions Like That Consume Us And Eventually Break Us.

We All Are Slowly Killing Ourselves We Just Don't Know It Yet.

Look At It From A Different View.(Life)

It Won't Hurt.

I Realized After Having A Writer's Block And Not Writing Everything Down.

It All Backfired.

I Attempted Suicide A Few Days Ago. Drug Overdose. 

It's Funny Because When I Tried Telling My Friends They Just Blocked Me Out And Spoke About Their Feelings And Their Problems Because They Think I'm Their Therapist. 

It Makes Me Regret Not Vomiting Them Out.

It Was When I Need Them The Most. I Was Vulnerable. No One Helped.

It's Like Everything Was Closing In.

When I Took The Pills And Lied Down. 

I Was Paralyzed I Could Barely Breath. Right There And Then I Knew I Was Alive. 

So Close To Death. If I Slept It Will All Just Disappear. I'd Be Gone Forever.

I Chose To Stay. I Chose To Be There For My Friends Who Have Attempted Suicide Themselves.

I Lost Two Of My Closest Friends Two Years Ago. 

They Are In A Better Place Now.

I Guess I Gave Up On The Game Called Life.

I Can Never Justify What I Did But I Couldn't Bear Being Here.

I Was Sick Of Being Abused By My Family. I Was Sick Of Feeling Lonely Even When I'm With A Bunch Of People. 

Only A Handful Of My Friends Care For Me.

Those Ones I Have Kept Close And I'm Positive That I Will Stay Here In This World For A Little While...

Until Next Time.

Hello everyone! My goodness, it has been a long time since I have done an update on here! I hope everyone has been doing wonderful and remembering how amazing, worthy, and beautiful they are! So much has been going on lately; I can hardly believe we are heading into the second week of June!

This year has been great; full of growth and learning opportunities. I love my current job. I am working at a residential treatment facility for adults who battled substance abuse and have been there since February. I enjoy having the opportunity to talk to them about God and being able to make a difference each day. I have some of the most amazing friends; true friends. Something I haven’t always experienced. I am growing each day in my relationship with God and becoming better at trusting him in all areas of my life and not just some.

This year has been spent going around to different schools and groups and talking to young women and men about eating disorders, self-esteem, and learning to love themselves for WHO they are. I have been enjoying this so much. I will also be moving within the next month and a half to Omaha, Nebraska where I will be working towards finishing my degree in social work. I just took a job at the Children’s Hospital where I will be a psych tech working on the eating disorder unit. This is a place where I was treated. I will be working with several of the amazing people who helped save my life throughout the years.

I have also been growing even more in my relationship with my brother. My brother is ready to begin walking the path with Jesus. He ‘believes’ but he doesn’t KNOW God.  I am so eager and excited for the journey with him. It was such an amazing visit 2 weeks ago when he let me pray for him, with him.

The other big thing I am doing this summer is celebrating 2 years of recovery on July 5^th! It is hard to believe how far I have come within 2 years and that nothing is the same … WHICH is a GREAT thing! I am partnering with the National Eating Disorder’s Association to raise money for scholarships, funding, materials for parents/individuals to learn, etc. Such an amazing cause to give back to! You can check out the main walk page and my personal page/donation page. If you are interested in participating or helping that would be beyond appreciated!

Main Page/Details about the walk: http://neda.nationaleatingdisorders.org/site/TR?fr_id=1740&pg=entry

Personal Testimony/Donation Page: http://neda.nationaleatingdisorders.org/site/TR/NEDAWalk/General?px=1005516&pg=personal&fr_id=1740

It is hard to believe it's been 4 months since I've last visited loveyourflawz. However, I like the distance. Now I have something to truly write about. An actual event will be taking place in my life. For about a year I've been planning and preparing for England and now exactly to the date I have a week to go. My stomach is in knots, my mind races with a million thoughts and once in a while my hands begin to shake. Yes, I am nervous and anxious about my trip and some fear is mixed in too. I am not afraid of what is waiting for me there, wonderful friends, but more less it is the unknown that frightens me. This will be my first trip anyway alone and since this is my first journey outside the States I'm even that much more nervous about it all. It will be worth feeling all of this once my feet touch down on English soil. I am looking forward to sharing of my travels once I return. Take care all.

Lindsey