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PERFECTION: A PANDEMIC
Perfection: A PANDEMIC
I was inspired to write a piece of my own truth when it comes to the pandemic our society faces day in and day out, "perfectionism." There are so many false, unrealistic, and destructive solutions that offer a superficial "band-aid" fix. Example:
I am pretty sure by clicking my mouse button I won't have a JLO booty. Nor will I have Latina skin (although, I may if I keep getting so much sun), and I am certainly not going to go from being 5' 2" & 3/4ths to being 5'7"! Thank goodness. I like being short, wearing heals, and still being shorter than the guy I am with.
Somewhere, being perfect became a criteria and a goal one must achieve. It seems to hold more rank than character, intelligence, or trust. It doesn't matter that Cindy is more qualified for the job but, because Julie is tall, brunette, and beautiful she lands the opportunity despite her lack of customer service skills. Oh, did I mention that Julie is also very skilled with her credit card? That definitely landed her the job...
Perfection is like a disease. A disease that keeps you a prisoner of your own mind. Perfection keeps you on a tight rope, surrounded by lies, rules, fear, and that dark impending feeling of never being good enough. Perfection is debilitating, destructive, and seems to be contagious. Perfection puts the unbearable pressure upon us to wear a smile when alls we feel like doing is crying. There is a pressure to appear perfectly happy, flawlessly figured, and absolutely functional. Perfection has affected my life greatly and at times it still sneaks in. The difference now is that I do my best to not let it continue to spread. I don't want to be sucked into the sick, dark, fakeness of society.
It is said that this disease called "Perfection" is perhaps a list of real-life symptoms of experiences that people face in their life. Perfection causes people to act different than they would if they could only learn to just "be who they are and think for themselves" rather than letting society "rent space" in our mind, body, and in our life.
A young, beautiful woman who was loved by many and is now buried and forever lost here on earth because "Perfection" was so deeply seated in her mind that anorexia claimed her life at 19...Perfection won...
A young man who could have an amazing life, has potential, but is unable to see it. Perfection is him thinking he's "got this" and can deal with everyone on his own. This man is now in prison. Will Perfection overcome him again or will he be less perfect and ask for help this time?...
A young woman staying in a relationship because it is the "right thing" to do based upon what society says. Not wanting the words divorce written in the paper, thrown around in conversation, and wanting to keep the children comfortable. What about the her happiness in life?...Perfection wins.
Is a young girl in 4th grade who receives a letter from two brothers in her class revealing disturbing references
about her body. Perfection, embarrassment, and shame keeps her from saying something until she already hates herself and wants it to stop...
Is a young girl who hated the first day of school because Perfection said she would be rejected, was ugly, and weird.
Is a young kindergartner opening up her take-home report card and comparing her weight to the other girls...
Is the young girl who grabs a cutting knife and goes downstairs wanting to "feel something" but fails at the attempt because she is afraid of how it would look/what others would think...
Is the girl who is passing out, stopped getting her period, and is taping batteries to her body so she weighs more...why? She doesn’t want to admit how sick she is...she fears the disappointment and the feelings of being a failure...
Is what you look like, how you act, and misplacing your "true self" because you were told you didn't fit in...
Is a young woman who is hesitant to be in relationships because she thinks she doesn't deserve that him and
that there is someone better than her out there for that person...
***These are just examples of how Perfection can keep people chained..hidden..and from living..***
A cure? Yes. However, it is not through a pill, a drink, a particular exercise, or through surgery. It is through embracing your flaws and weaknesses. It is through having forgiveness and grace with yourself. It is through having a strong faith and relationship with your Higher Power (God, for me), and know that we have things we cannot always control. We have to learn to embrace our imperfectly perfect imperfections (tongue twister!)
So often we think that we are the only one.
The only one who:
Who feels worthless...
Who turned to drugs or alcohol.
Who stole something...
Who hates their body...
Who uses food for comfort.
Who has an eating disorder...
Who has questions about their Higher Power.
Who has financial fears...
Who is wearing a "Happy Mask" today.
Who slept all day but when asked what they did: they went to the beach, shopped, and had an amazing night out on the town.
Who was rude to someone...
Or who lost their temper...
WE ALL DO IT! So quit thinking you are so special! Well, at least in this way! We are all, truly special though.
Is it not honesty, vulnerability, and understanding that will attract us to people? Okay, I know physical attributes attracts us first but when it comes down to it, that isn’t the thing that matters. It is their willingness to be REAL, to share, to offer hope, wisdom, and encouragement because of things they have gone through or still go through. I love people more and am MORE in love and attracted to them when they have a past, things they have worked through, their past and current flaws. It lets me know they are REAL and that I don't have to TRY and be PERFECT (because I am not and I am not going to act like it).
Those PERFECT people we see plastered all over the magazines, on TV shows, or walking around us are more than likely not so perfect. They too have hidden secrets, darkness behind closed doors, and may not even know what true happiness is. Why do you think eating disorders and drug/alcohol abuse has continued to increase?...Hmm...
I know there are parts of me who still turns to the Perfection and it keeps me stuck but I have found nothing better than speaking the truth. So guess what? I will. I will myself be vulnerable to anyone who reads this. From the United States to those who know me elsewhere, like Australia! Some things family hasn't even heard before. But why stay silent...? It creates a dark pit that is never ending unless we are willing to close it up by being truthful.
When my friends and I were little we ripped up someone's garden, threw mud at their windows, and stole their mail...the cops came. I was around the age of 4.
There have been times I avoided certain people or going out to certain gatherings because I felt like I wasn't good enough.
I have avoided seeking out a guy I was interested in because I was too embarrassed of who I was (not anymore though! Look out boys!) Hah.
I have told SO many lies...from liking someone, to keeping myself out of trouble, to getting what I wanted, to anything you can think of. Who hasn't lied? That is my question. Practicing truth...always. Perfect? No.
I hid in the showers in 7th grade because I didn't want to change in front of the other girls, I was ashamed.
I have stolen at points in my life. Yup. There is my deep seated secret that I have been embarrassed to say! Times I didn't get caught and once I did (terrible experience! I think I would have rather have been shot!). When things get tough sometimes we do the thing we never said we would do (I now have this empty pit in my stomach..."what will people think?") It is a part of my past. Anyone who wants to judge me...F*CK OFF =) Yes, that is said with a smile.
I am obviously not perfect, I battled with an eating disorder for 16 years and had a slight issue with anxiety and sleeping medications. I still have to watch myself because those tendencies can easily be there. It sucks that every answer seems to be written off with a pill these days...something seriously wrong with that.
Everyone knows me as being happy all the time with a big smile on my face. Yes, THIS IS ME! But, believe it or not I do have rare moments where I am not such a happy camper.
I speed. I just am not sure what the fix to this is. Set my cruise?? No, because then I feel out of control. I did once get two tickets in one week which was a bummer...kind of a good "Speed Control...kind of like birth control) for awhile.
I don't always say NO when I don't want to do something because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings (however, I am getting better at this and I know I don't always have to be a people pleaser!).
I curse...I do. A lot. I am trying to work on it.
I am too hard on myself...
I have a hard time asking for help...I have that "super woman" mentality.
I snort when I laugh sometimes...
So, there it is...Kaylin is NOT perfect. I am NOT perfect. Oh well. Life goes on. I love my life. I am so grateful for the forgiveness, blessings, and grace that I have. Take me as I am or keep passing by.
The more I speak the truth about life and my own life, experiences, and obstacles I hope that others can begin/continue to do that within their own. There is no situation or circumstance that has to keep you imprisoned from creating a beautiful life. We can use our flaws to flourish our life as we embrace them.
Lets be real. I want to be real. I am real. I love it. Perfect? No thank you. I don't even want a rain-check.
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