Fear...I will NOT be afraid. God is for me; Therefore who can stand against me?



I have a job. I HAVE a job. I HAVE A JOB! I am so thankful. Door after closed door...What is this? Why? Promising compliments, great reports, positive things to say, "we will call you soon and let you know," and "you would be a great addition to our company." Yet, the phone never range. Emails with with answer no. I continued to volunteer. I continued to speak out about eating disorders, be involved in church, and volunteer at a recovery treatment center. Volunteering got my foot in the door. Volunteering opened a door to a job that I REALLY LOVE. A house manager/support staff/mentor and someone who understands. Working with those who are on the same journey that I am continuing to walk on. I love to give hope. Inspire. Laugh. Help. I give and I receive. It keeps me in check. In balance. And my head from going completely in spirals.

Thank GOD for this blessing...

Now, I am up against another challenge. I took a leap of faith and came to California where I was able to get help. I have been able to rise up against and push past a lot of fears, things holding me back, and I have gotten healthier. It is a nice and day difference now. I was just thinking as I was driving down the sunny California roads to work yesterday about where I was last year at this time and it was a very dark, lonely, and sick place. Now, things are so much brighter, I am laughing, I have hope, I can see positive in the bad, and I keep walking in faith. I love hearing myself jam out to old tunes by TLC, No Doubt, and Spears. Makes me laugh.

Some unfortunate situations have come up and I am once again looking fear right in the eye. A living situation that has gone wrong. A need to get out. A date that is approaching soon and I am not sure where to turn. I cannot seem to find a money tree...that that must not be the answer from God. I have some amazing girls at Church who keep praying for me. Who are looking out for me. They have an opening in about 2 weeks which would not be soon enough but I know they would allow me to stay there. They would help me at any point. The drive is so far from work however...My dream is that God will provide me with a place to live near work. That things will work out. That I just have to keep hanging in there and not give up. He did not bring me out here to leave me now. I did NOT come this far to turn back now. No way, no how. I can and will do this. I shall have a voice, sturdy feet, and not back down. I am strong. I can do this. I shall do this. I will press on.
 

To start my birthday weekend I had some amazing friends who went out to dinner with my that night. I felt a bit nervous because I really haven't had people go out of their way to come celebrate my birthday with me since I was in elementary school. Remember that statement I made to my mom on my 11th birthday? The one where I swore off pizza and would NEVER have another birthday celebration again? Well, I stomped on that one this year and chose to enjoy, celebrate myself, embrace the amazing people who have come into my life in the last 8 1/2 months, and acknowledging that I AM a gift to this world. The lines at our original place, the Cheesecake Factory were VERY long. I had never seen these little "beeper" like objects you could take around the eating places for when a table opens up for you. Evelynn had ours and we walked to see if there was someplace else we might like. We came upon a Sushi place and decided to go there instead. Wonderful choice and GREAT entertainment. Did you know, that a good majority of first dates take place at Sushi restaurants? All 4 of us could attest for that! I know mine was and it was my first time having Sushi when I went on that date. Sushi just seems unusual to take a person to if they have never had it. Sushi generally is an acquired taste! So, while waiting for our table we were seeking out the people who looked as though they were on their first date and long and behold we spotted some. We couldn't help but laugh and giggle to ourselves while making up the conversations that were happening between the two! Oh, the simple things in life. We ordered and shared a variety of delicious Sushi Rolls. Yum Yum. Oh how I love eating with chopsticks! Towards the end of our evening we were graced with the presents of a young guy who clearly had been drinking. He thought we "looked" like some girls that wanted to go out and have fun. Ha. Sharla was right on the ball and I LOVE that girl and her sarcasm. Way to throw it right back girl! We pulled out our sidekick names and Ev became Emily, Sharla was Lauren, and I was Abbie. Never know when you need those names! It was a fun, quiet, quaint, and very enjoyable evening. Thank you girls for helping make my birthday weekend the first of many great ones to come! Sunday's are of course my favorite day of the week because I get to do nothing better and more enjoyable than being with my church family, hearing the word of God, and having such LOVE brought to my heart. I LOVE all who are there. I LOVE the feeling I get as I walk through the doors. I LOVE all of the changes I have seen within myself as I have opened my heart.




To complete my birthday weekend I went to Disneyland.  I had never been there before and was excited as a little kid! I absolutely love Disney and love all of the imagination and magic that comes! It was a wonderful day full of smiles, hundreds of pictures, and hugs from amazing characters. I enjoyed hearing myself laugh because last year I didn't do that much. I remember asking someone, "will I ever be happy, smile, or laugh again?" YES, I can answer that question for myself today and I love it. It shows as I video-taped myself on the roller coaster ride I went on by myself. The silly, fun, giggly girl is back!

What's your VISION?! So, I am all about vision. Right now, my vision is larger than my resources but it empowers me to strive for what is to come! We live in a world that says NO to us all the time. To settle for less than the best and for less than what God has planned for us. But, vision inspires us to see what is beyond. It allows us to keep reaching, stretching, opening our hearts, and never settle for the lesser. Our vision can diminish but we must lift our eyes in order to keep seeing beyond. What we see is what we will be. What we see is what we will become. What we look at is where we will go. Is what you see inhibiting you from living your life fully? Have you aloud something to lodge itself into your vision that allows you to not see the best and beyond? I know I have at one point; for many many years. Nothing in life comes with out stretching. Nothing in life comes without vision. Our vision empowers us to go beyond where we are now. Motivates us. Allows us to rise up to the occassion. Vision enables us to PUSH through the pain and overcome it!
Vision creates momentum  for us to live out our vision. Surround yourself in an environment full of vision and e inspired. Be filled with momentum, buzzing with energy, life, and excitement. Vision inspires and transfers into our life and into the heart's of others. Vision always focuses on the do's and not the dont's of life. Our live's are defined by what we do and NOT what we don't do. Everything we are a part of  or are about to step into is because we are a part of the bigger plan that God has for us. We ARE a part of something great!
What's your vision? Is something blocking it? :-)

VISION IS POWER! VISION IS FUTURE! VISION IS BELIEVING!
HUGS!

Why is it that some people in life get instant breakthroughs, while others struggle to make ends each day, fight to keep going, and have to literally push themselves to not give up?...Some battles are so much harder to fight than others. It used to anger me that it seemed as though the person sitting next to me didn't even have to lift a finger and they had miracles pouring from the sky. Yet, I was sitting under a dark cloud, crawling, and fighting this internal battle.

This could either be a very complicated question that you ponder so long about you literally give yourself a ghastly headache (not that I would know about this....), or it can be summed up relatively nicely.